So this is a strange thought that I've had numerous times since Tiernan's diagnosis and I am never quite comfortable with it.
I feel as though God has blessed me through Tiernan's heart.
I remember feeling so lonely before he was born. I felt isolated and like I didn't have any close friends...aside from Jason...who lived nearby.
My sister Jen lives in Missoula.
My sister-in-law, Rhiannon is wonderful. But busy with work and life.
My friend Julie was dealing with family challenges of her own and we never seemed to be able to get together.
My friend Sarah lives in Alaska!
I prayed that God would bring some wonderful women into my life.
And then Tiernan was born.
And then he was diagnosed.
And then I met Jesse.
And Dana and I have grown close.
And Kathy came into my life.
And Heidi, and Kari, and Andrea, and Heather, and so many beautiful amazing women are in my world supporting me.
I am so thankful for all these women that God has blessed me with through Tiernan.
But if I am thankful, does that mean I am thankful for Tiernan having to endure an imperfect heart and all that has gone along with that?
There is the uncomfortable piece of this.
Perhaps I can look at the bright side of all the struggles and see the beautiful things God has done through this darkness. And I feel as though I could honestly say that I do not regret all these things because look at what has come from it all.
But I do regret it. I wish, more than anything that Tiernan had a healthy heart and body and had never known all the pain he has experienced.
But I am thankful as well.
Maybe this isn't as incongruent as it feels.
Saturday, November 19, 2011
Sunday, November 13, 2011
Okay...so there is now some progress
I am RUNNING!!!! Wow! I'm pleased with my progress!
In August I walked a LOT! I also started getting really serious about using My Fitness Pal to track my calories. I am by no means always successfully under my goal, but I am not going significantly over like I used to. And sometimes I AM under so that's good right? :)
And the payoff?
As of today I have lost 14 pounds!
Yay ME!!!!
As for the running. I really just did a few minutes at a time in August and then that all went to Hell when school started. I wasn't doing much of anything besides calorie counting until a few weeks ago. I really expected to be in horrible shape from all that time off, but the reality was somewhat different.
I "wogged" (walk/jogged) my 4 mile route...by which I mean mostly walked. But I ran enough (just over a mile...a total of 18 minutes off and on) and felt good enough that I was seriously encouraged. So. I went out again 2 days ago and reached a personal best....running for 10 minutes without stopping! My grand total for running that day was 2.27 miles.
Today was another personal best!
I. Ran. A. Mile. Without. Stopping!
The last time I did that was in college. :)
I am so freaking proud of myself!
So. I have 2 current goals:
1. Run the Mile Challenge at my school in under 10 minutes with my students.
2. Run the Sound 2 Narrows 5K this May. I have walked the 12K a few times but never run.
Jason and I are also going to transform our garage into a gym of sorts. We already have a weight bench and weights that has been living in the very small common space between the upstairs bedrooms and existing only as a hazard to those walking in and out of Tristan's room. We are going to buy a treadmill or eliptical machine. The jury is currently out on that one but because funds are limited and a friend is willing to sell us a very lightly used treadmill that would currently run us about $1000 for only $275, we will likely go that route for now. And since our awesome 7 year old is getting pretty serious about his taekwondo we are getting him a heavy bag to work out on as well. This is all such exciting stuff for us!
Oh, and speaking of Jason...we are finally getting back to normal with eachother! So wonderful. We are able to get the boys to bed around 8:30 on average and then we get quality alone time. It feels like it did before Tiernan was born.
So, to recap...since my last (and initial) post, I seem to have met my goals set that day!
Woot!
In August I walked a LOT! I also started getting really serious about using My Fitness Pal to track my calories. I am by no means always successfully under my goal, but I am not going significantly over like I used to. And sometimes I AM under so that's good right? :)
And the payoff?
As of today I have lost 14 pounds!
Yay ME!!!!
As for the running. I really just did a few minutes at a time in August and then that all went to Hell when school started. I wasn't doing much of anything besides calorie counting until a few weeks ago. I really expected to be in horrible shape from all that time off, but the reality was somewhat different.
I "wogged" (walk/jogged) my 4 mile route...by which I mean mostly walked. But I ran enough (just over a mile...a total of 18 minutes off and on) and felt good enough that I was seriously encouraged. So. I went out again 2 days ago and reached a personal best....running for 10 minutes without stopping! My grand total for running that day was 2.27 miles.
Today was another personal best!
I. Ran. A. Mile. Without. Stopping!
The last time I did that was in college. :)
I am so freaking proud of myself!
So. I have 2 current goals:
1. Run the Mile Challenge at my school in under 10 minutes with my students.
2. Run the Sound 2 Narrows 5K this May. I have walked the 12K a few times but never run.
Jason and I are also going to transform our garage into a gym of sorts. We already have a weight bench and weights that has been living in the very small common space between the upstairs bedrooms and existing only as a hazard to those walking in and out of Tristan's room. We are going to buy a treadmill or eliptical machine. The jury is currently out on that one but because funds are limited and a friend is willing to sell us a very lightly used treadmill that would currently run us about $1000 for only $275, we will likely go that route for now. And since our awesome 7 year old is getting pretty serious about his taekwondo we are getting him a heavy bag to work out on as well. This is all such exciting stuff for us!
Oh, and speaking of Jason...we are finally getting back to normal with eachother! So wonderful. We are able to get the boys to bed around 8:30 on average and then we get quality alone time. It feels like it did before Tiernan was born.
So, to recap...since my last (and initial) post, I seem to have met my goals set that day!
Woot!
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