Confused ramblings.

So this is a strange thought that I've had numerous times since Tiernan's diagnosis and I am never quite comfortable with it.
I feel as though God has blessed me through Tiernan's heart. 
I remember feeling so lonely before he was born.  I felt isolated and like I didn't have any close friends...aside from Jason...who lived nearby.
My sister Jen lives in Missoula.
My sister-in-law, Rhiannon is wonderful.  But busy with work and life.
My friend Julie was dealing with family challenges of her own and we never seemed to be able to get together. 
My friend Sarah lives in Alaska!

I prayed that God would bring some wonderful women into my life. 

And then Tiernan was born. 
And then he was diagnosed. 
And then I met Jesse.
And Dana and I have grown close.
And Kathy came into my life. 
And Heidi, and Kari, and Andrea, and Heather, and so many beautiful amazing women are in my world supporting me. 

I am so thankful for all these women that God has blessed me with through Tiernan. 

But if I am thankful, does that mean I am thankful for Tiernan having to endure an imperfect heart and all that has gone along with that? 

There is the uncomfortable piece of this. 

Perhaps I can look at the bright side of all the struggles and see the beautiful things God has done through this darkness.  And I feel as though I could honestly say that I do not regret all these things because look at what has come from it all.

But I do regret it.  I wish, more than anything that Tiernan had a healthy heart and body and had never known all the pain he has experienced.

But I am thankful as well. 

Maybe this isn't as incongruent as it feels.